Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
