last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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