Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
