Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
