Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
