I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
