I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
