I hate your face
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
