I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
