I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
