The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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