I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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