were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
