He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
