goodnight i made you a song goodbye
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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