why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
