Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
