i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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