at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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