Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize