Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
