So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
