I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
