please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
