so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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