I want to stick my p in your. b.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
