I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
