i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so let's talk penis.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
