why didn't you poke me back
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
