"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize