im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
