don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
