Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
