how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
