I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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