So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
