Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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