another moral hangover. fuck.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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