K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize