does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hippo gnu deer
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Still dying that you shit outside
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
