That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
