Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
