I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
