Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
