She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
