dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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