Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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