He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
