I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
