If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
