so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
