We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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