I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
