Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
