I wish I only lived at night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
