Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
