Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
