New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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