i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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