that's an acceptable place to lick
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
