you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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