She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
