What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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