I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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