Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
