weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
