I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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