im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
