The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
