I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
