ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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