y did u give ur computer a hand job?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
