the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
