You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
