My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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