I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
