I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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