She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
